Have you ever read a sentence that seemed to twist and turn, leaving you wondering what it was really trying to say?
Perhaps you’ve struggled to explain an idea, only to find out that your listeners or readers didn’t quite grasp your meaning.
If you’ve experienced that, don’t feel bad—there’s good news for you!
Clear and engaging writing isn’t a mysterious gift reserved for the lucky few; in fact, it’s a skill you can master by refining your sentences into powerful tools of communication.
Let’s dive into a transformative process for diagnosing and revising your writing so your readers connect with your message every time.
Diagnosis and Revision: Breathing Life into Your Prose
According to Joseph Bizup and Joseph M. Williams in the book, “Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace,” at the heart of compelling writing lies a simple truth:
Readers understand and appreciate prose when subjects are clearly defined characters and actions are driven by vivid verbs.
However, writing that feels clear to you may still bewilder your readers. So, to bridge that gap, Bizup and Williams suggested employing a systematic three-step process: Diagnose, analyze, and rewrite.
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Diagnose: Spot the Trouble
To begin, scrutinize your sentences to pinpoint areas where clarity falters. Here’s how:
- Underline the first seven or eight words of each sentence (excluding short introductory phrases).
- Identify two warning signs:
– Abstract nouns masquerading as simple subjects
– Long stretches before a verb appears
For example:
The outsourcing of high-tech work to Asia by corporations means the loss of jobs for many American workers.
Here, the abstract nouns “outsourcing” and “loss” obscure the meaning of the sentence, burying the actual subject and verb after a 10-word introduction.
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Analyze: Define Characters and Actions
After diagnosing your sentences, uncover the story within by:
- Identifying the main characters, particularly tangible, flesh-and-blood ones.
- Locating the key actions that characters perform, especially when hidden in abstract nouns (nominalizations).
Based on the example above:
Characters: Corporations, American workers
Actions: Outsourcing, losing
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Rewrite: Bring Characters and Actions to Life
Rewriting is where the magic happens. Transform abstract nouns into verbs and make characters the subjects of those verbs.
Use subordinating conjunctions like “because,” “if,” “when,” or “although” to create a logical flow.
Original sentence:
The outsourcing of high-tech work to Asia by corporations means the loss of jobs for many American workers.
Revised sentence:
Many middle-class American workers are losing their jobs because corporations are outsourcing high-tech work to Asia.
Common Patterns and How to Fix Them
Bizup and Williams say five recurring patterns of unclear writing often involve nominalizations. Here’s how to spot and revise them:
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Pattern 1: Nominalizations as Subjects of Empty Verbs
Original:
The intention of the committee is to audit the records.
Fix:
Convert “intention” to “intend.”
Identify the actor (the committee).
Rewrite:
The committee intends to audit the records.
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Pattern 2: Nominalizations Following Empty Verbs
Original:
The agency conducted an investigation into the matter.
Fix:
Change “investigation” to “investigate.”
Replace “conducted” with “investigated.”
Rewrite:
The agency investigated the matter.
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Pattern 3: Two Nominalizations in Cause-and-Effect Relationships
Original:
Our loss in sales was a result of their expansion of outlets.
Fix:
Turn “loss” into “lose” and “expansion” into “expand.”
Identify actors: “we” and “they.”
Rewrite:
We lost sales because they expanded outlets.
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Pattern 4: Nominalizations After “There Is” or “There Are”
Original:
There is no need for our further study of this problem.
Fix:
Change “need” and “study” into verbs.
Identify the actor (“we”).
Rewrite:
We need not study this problem further.
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Pattern 5: Strings of Nominalizations
Original:
We did a review of the evolution of the brain.
Fix:
Turn “review” into a verb.
Optionally, revise “evolution of the brain” into “how the brain evolved.”
Rewrite:
First, we reviewed how the brain evolved.
See the differences between the original and rewritten sentences?
Clearly, when your prose relies on verbs to express key actions, it transforms your writing in four significant ways!
Here’s how:
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It becomes concrete and relatable. Sentences become more vivid by pairing characters with dynamic actions.
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It becomes concise and efficient. Using verbs reduces unnecessary words like articles and prepositions.
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It becomes logically coherent. Verbs connect ideas with precise conjunctions rather than vague prepositions.
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It provides narrative clarity. Verbs preserve the sequence of actions, telling a coherent story.
Overall, by diagnosing, analyzing, and rewriting, you can transform unclear, abstract prose into sharp, dynamic sentences that engage and enlighten your readers.
So, the next time you tackle a piece of writing, remember this:
Clarity and connection start with characters and actions—and the verbs that bring them to life.
Keep Bizup and Williams’ tips in mind as you write your next set of drafts!
About The Dynamic Marketing Communiqué’s
“Wednesdays: Write with the Pen of the Masters”
Who doesn’t find content writing to be a skill that requires a lot of practice and effort?
In fact, many people may even find copywriting very intimidating.
However, you can be a good writer as long as you have the right tools. You won’t always get things right the first time, but with enough time and practice, you’ll get the hang of it!
When you write copy for any brand or for your company, your aim is to make an impact and…
… to get people to remember.
Getting people to remember means getting consumers to buy your product or avail of your service.
… and when you get your content to deliver the results you want, THAT is great copy!
Every Wednesday, we publish content based on tips and insights from the masters of content writing, copywriting, and storytelling.
Become more familiar with ways to write great copy that helps you gain ROI from your efforts, drive profitability, and achieve your business goals.
Learn time-tested tactics that better capture the attention of your target audience, and maximize the benefits of great copywriting.
Hope you find this week’s insights interesting and helpful.
Stay tuned for next Wednesday’s “Write with the Pen of the Masters!”
Cheers,
Dyane Diasanta
Senior Content Writer
Valens Dynamic Marketing Capabilities
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